Anchor

I am slowly understanding my own manifestation of Seasonal Adjustment this time of year. As darker skies bookend the day and crisp leaves fall into mud-tinged puddles on the pavement, I can feel it. I can feel it in the same way I can the wind losing its warmth and picking up its speed. Another…

Backing Myself

Exactly 3 years ago to the day I started this blog. It was initially a way for me to widely communicate what was going on with my mam to friends and family. It quickly developed into a way to process everything that was going on for me; my fears, my wishes, my confusions and my…

And

There are so many misunderstandings when it comes to giving people equal access to what it is that they need, mainly manifesting in an attitude of ‘if you are given what it is you need, what does that take away from me?’ It does not have to be like this. Recently, LGBT awareness being taught…

I See You.

I did not know there was a Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month, let alone that it was March or that I nearly missed it! So just before March ends, here are some thoughts… It’s a little-known fact that I smile at strangers; not emphatically, but if it happens that my eyes should lock with another’s as…

Spirit

Christmas was one of my mam’s favourite times of the year (even though she would start picking up presents for people in February) and it was no surprise because it epitomised everything that she was. She got to pick special gifts for people that would make them feel special, she could bake her infamous mince…

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Exactly two years ago today, my life irrefutably and permanently changed. My mam died. Exactly one year ago, I returned to Cumbria to mark the day. My Dad, my sister, my husband and me, went for tea and cake and for a meal. We also visited the grave. I was there for less than two minutes….

I’ve Never Done This Before

Over the last 2 years, I have lost count of the amount of times I have cried uncontrollably. Come somewhat accustomed to a fever-inducing shock which makes me forget how to breathe or how to walk. Learned the bittersweet incompleteness of all new life milestones. Taken more moments to be silent. Reacted to situations in…

Because of the NHS

I have so much to be thankful of the NHS for, so on it’s 70th birthday I think it apt to give it the hip-hip-hurray and cheer it deserves, because as a septuagenarian, with all the trials and tribulations it has faced in its lifetime…it’s still looking good! In fact it’s looking great…considering. I am…

Sometimes it gets harder

“It’ll get easier with time” is a sentence I’m sure we are all familiar with when it comes to loss; either had it said to us or been the one saying it. On the whole I agree. I don’t feel like my throat is closing up in the same way it did a year and…

Backbone

I am really missing my mam. So much right now. And it’s not the time of year. I’ve already done a Christmas without her – and it wasn’t horrific, yes I’d have preferred her to be there, but we still found some yuletide ‘comfort and joy’ in the day. And this year, I’m actually quite…

One Year On: Lost & Found

Exactly 1 year ago my mam passed away. It has been unbelievably tough, but also hard to fathom how I’ve gone for 365 days without hearing her voice, seeing her face, laughing at her stories or smelling her perfume whilst in one of her infamous hugs. When the alien beamed my mam up to an…

Growing Around Grief

So I haven’t written anything for a really long time. Pretty much because there’s nothing to report…well nothing major. And not a lot has happened. Well a lot has, but just everyday stuff. In a way that is what I have been focusing on; my new everyday. I’ve heard a number of horror stories from…